a brain a dae keeps satan awae...

one year..

2006-04-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

hey wat sup people..suddenly gt d feeling of blogging..damn bored nth to do..haiz..i duno y bt i feel so..miserable..or mayb uncomfortable..i duno..haiz..bt watever it is..its makin me feel moody..haiz.. one year..hoped it last 4ever..i still love u..n tts all it matters..now til ever..

lafayette's entry. :]]

2006-03-19T03:07:00.000-08:00

HEYLO.
dis is not ZAFRAN blogging. >:|

THANKS TO
LAFAYETTE FER
DOING ZAFRANS BLOG.
THANK LAFAYETTE.
yesyes.

LAFAYETTE is SUPER KIND.
hehehe. :DD

NOT zafran.

feel lyk beatin smeone up..

2006-03-06T05:31:00.000-08:00

dis two weeks..damn..felt very angry..sme bout dis sme bout tt...bt in d end..noone will understand..tryin vry hard to be happy...tts d wae ryt??fake ppl ur happy wen ur nt..all dis will jus end me up cuttin myself again..as 4 joe..im still waitin..bitch..

wassup!

2006-02-22T21:28:00.000-08:00

waaasssup dudes!!!im back!yea..im sittin at hme while those fools go to skool yea!..jus cuz i gt a blister at my butt.. i gt 3 daes off!!woo!!lucky me..did wad i culd do at hme..bt still bored...srry i didnt post 4 a long tym..cuz im still tinkin if i wanna keep dis blog..i noe its too late but hope tt all hu had receive their o level results pass wif wadever dey culd..okok..gtg..mom complainin again..i`ll post soon ..wif xciting events..i tink..hehe

2005-11-28T23:47:00.000-08:00

i`ll be awae frm 9 2 14 dec...goin smewhr i didnt xpect to go..haix...damn..i shouldnt done wad i`ve done..fuck..nw i hav to pay everyting in 1 shot..haiz...i cant sae whr d place is..bt i can guarantee u tt its a holidae getawae..its mre of a place of hell..gtg..smeone nids to use d com..

2005-11-18T04:54:00.000-08:00

im at my frens hse...woo...benn enjoyin myself wif my NA frens alot!!..haha...dey r lyk me...haix..too bad i cant type as much as i can..its late.. n im at helio`s hse..haix..bout d forgery case..sundram i nt at coral anymre..i tink...mayb osman nxt...4 discipline master place`s...2dae..go n watch harry potter!!woo!! nice sia!!...bt nt d same as d other 3 series..quite funny actually..nw helio n his bro is lookin at wad im typing..so cant type much..wadever itis..d chinese shw which has lulu on it has started...n i nid to go hme..bout my health..nt so good..cough is gettin louder...haiz..mite as well jus die frm coughing..okok gtg .guys..see ya all nxt tym..miss u too dearest..bye...

2005-11-03T21:38:00.000-08:00

haix..feelin down a few daes...duno y...mayb cuz im missin u oreadi??i tink so...complainin to atiqah alot of times...hehe..nvm iqah..still got alot of daes...hehe..my com is spoiled so i`ll be postin fewer nw..hari raya nw has arrive!! woo!!bt i gt no mood..haha..duno y..mayb sick of seeing my families faces?? i duno..mayb..lookin 4ward to goin out wif my old frens..its funny tho...haix..i cant tell ya wad happen ..cuz smeone sure will cme here n look of wad i wrote..hehe..cant tell u ...cuz i promise u oreadi..so u musnt noe...2dae...sth bad came..i unfortunately..it came frm black monkkey aka mr sundram....haix...i tot she wuld kept it to her self..bt she didnt..fuck u badly...reli..nw...i reli hate u alot..u n ur step-damn-handsome-fiance can go to hell n marry dere n hav idiots instead of kids..cux u deserve it...bitch u...n ham..srry..iqah oso..hehe...i duno wad came over me wen sundram told me bout sth...srry tho i cant tell u all bout it...hehe..i jus shot pot-shots at d goalpost..didnt noe its gonna hit u all...n gelin oso..hehe...trg9 is nt gonna be everytime...hehe..nw..everyting seems so dark to me...mayb one dae i`ll jus broke down n bcum crazy...hope TT doesnt happen...nw its a official police case..i tink...by now..dear u shuld noe...haix..gtg nw..bye every1..n miss u alot darlin...

2005-10-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

certainty kills..it does..if ur certain of sth..it kills u..culdnt lyf be mre pityful??tings jus isnt the wae it was...I was hoping things might of had the chance...its so bullshit..if only dere sth tt culd kill me inside..hoping tt my dream of falling down wuld come true...ppl felt lyk killing demselves nwadaes..tryin hard to make myself slp 4ever..I've seen you touch the sky..and it's more than unbelieveable...30 mre cuts to 100..n i`ll be dead by tmr..

cursed love..

2005-10-20T05:06:00.000-07:00

dis few daes had been tough...tournament is comin round da corner..n i tink we are less prepared 4 it...2dae..he called me out during mother tongue...bt it was mr.rafi hu tok to me bout it..bt wen he came out n tok to me after mr rafi..den..tts wen i realised tt it was my fault..culdnt control myself..wad was i tinkin?! i duno...i was soo stupid...all dis time...teachers have been so lenient to me n i tot dey were d ones hu r overreacting..im such an asshole rite?!culdnt blive i wuld turn out dis wae...haiz...bcuz of dis incident..tings go haywire...im so fucked up...wish i wuld jus hide my fuckin damn face...

srry..reli srry

2005-10-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

i`ve dissapointed every1 again...shit..i`ve done really badly..ive failed 2 subjects..or 3 ...i tink...haiz...i`ve dissapointed u sis..i duno y i keep lettin u down..srry woon yah..reli srry...haiz...wad i tot i wuld failis d subject tt i passed..bt merely...all dis hardwork didnt pay off..all d d time wen i culd spent it on studying i`ve wasted it on sth else...shit...i duno wad else to sae...bt srry...to every1...

exxammmsss...

2005-10-08T02:00:00.000-07:00

so fast...next week is exams..n for the first time...im studyin....maths..some completed..science..no nid to ask..im good at it..MT...no nid to study..eng..sme format only..geog..cant remember...lit..ahh!!go to hell..homecons??well tt depends..ok nid to study oso..art..hmm...tt..i`ve failed...0/100...dun ask...its quite simple to ans tt...every1 noes d ans..haiz...yesterdae my head spins lyk hell...quite fun actually...got to smack d head at both sides wif d phone...2dae..study..well i dun quite actually noe wad is statistics..but got tt done in the end...to top it all...im quite prepared to face the exams...well scared oso...after d exams..i nid sme peace..yea..so till next two weeks..cya den ppl..n be happy wif wad u have..

dasdas

2005-10-01T03:51:00.000-07:00

wassup ppl...havent post along time...well exams r comin..and me??well tried to study hard...bt failed...i duno...mayb im nt d type of person hu studies...well my lyf...is d same..bt its worsenin...hatred is wad my heart has now...why cant i just kill myself or even hurt???why
?? why dun u all just let me do tt to myself??isint it fun??well i hadnt feel d felling of fun bfore..so why dun u all let me try??.....everydae..kept tinkin sth bad wuld happen..n it hurts hard..mayb sme of u understands wad im saying..kept tinkin of tings i shuldnt tink bout...bt it kept appearing lyk as if it was gonna happen...fear is wad holdin me back...

big change comin`

2005-09-14T10:42:00.000-07:00

it is late at nite..ya im doin my hmework..yea surpirsing rite??yea..im doin it cuz i promise smeone i`ll do it..bt i duno weder i cant promise her to do tt ting again..its poppin` out at my mind again...bt nvm i`ll try nt to..ya..dis song is nice...yea..it reminds me of us...dis fridae is our 5th month 2geder...i hope our journey 2geder will stay sweet n beautiful 4ever...hai..still gt lit smemre..kk gtg ..posting smemre dis fridae...so...wait 4 tt dae to cme..till den my peeps..so long..

goin..at last..

2005-09-10T06:03:00.000-07:00

hai..dese one week holidae...its fucked up..hai..nw left one feakin dae..wif lots of fuckin homework.....hai bored everydae...went out bt bored...gt to play wif cats..bt still..bored..hai..i duno wad i wan nw..im jus damn sick of dis lyf oreadi...nw deres only one ting..nid to tell my fader i wan to go B`s home..

no fear..jus hell

2005-08-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

todae was quite fun..got to meet alot of old frens..haha..fun it was..yea..den wen to duno whr to meet her...yea..mayb we shuld go out mre often ..yea..gt 2 hold ur hands 2dae..haha..alot of tings happen todae..man we gt spied by xuan n halim..damn..didnt realised cuz it was so quiet..had a gd time 2dae..yea..bt next week comes hell...n im waitin..jus waitin..

big peice of mutha fukin shit woman!!

2005-08-30T04:48:00.000-07:00

im so pissed nw...i gt no mood to do anything..even to tok oso i gt no mood..hai..tt fuckiin` bloody peice of muthafuckin shit koh...hai..pissin!!fuckin pissin!!hai..bt wad can i do??its jus d muthafuckin self...i duno wad 2 sae...i dun even know wad 2 do next...mayb i shuld go to tt place...mayb..hai..felt lyk smo****` again..nvm..i wun..i will still kept our little promise..oh ya..if u ever felt tt i dun treat u well or u felt hurt so many times cuz of me..pls..jus break up wif me...i dun wan us to b hurt n unhappy wen we r 2geder..so if u ever felt lyk doin that..do it..jus dun tink bout me..eventho ill b hurt...nvm..jus wish every1 all d best in dier lyf..n dun ever b lyk mw...so screwed up..

stuck in d past

2005-08-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

man..tdae...isd worst n boring family gathering ever...one prob came up after another...we patch up n break again..wads wrong wif my family??i duno y..but im glad i get to see my two older "bro" cuzzies.yea..dey r sleepin nw..haha..so funny..i sense sth wrong..nwadaes my mom kept cryin..bt i duno y..i dun dare to ask her..bt recently i found out tt my fader said smetings tt aint suppose to cme out frm his mouth...hw i wish i suld jus punch his mouth...he has hurt my mother alot of times..one dae if i reli cant take his bullshti anymore..imma crack up..hai..i duno hu i can tok to nw...many of my old frens hav moved on..mayb i shuld too..bt d ting is..i dun..i kept livin` in d past..i dun wan to xcept wad is in d future..hai..i duno wad to do now..evryting is fallin apart..fallin` apart...

jus...tinkin

2005-08-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

...well it 12:46..im okae i guess..tokin to diana on msn..deres noone online...hai..im so bored...n ure asleep nw..so tts sth nice..im nt gonna sleep cuz tryin vry hard to make myself sick again..haha..stupid thing isint it??bt wad can i do nw?nth rite...yea...wadever itis im tryin my best to b me..im jus disturb bout one thing..bt im nt gonna sae it..yea..after i read ur blog..it seems u had a tough dae at skool..srry i cant do anyting bout..n dis srry is even nt gonna change one thing...im here 4 u as ur here 4 me...jus open up to me..im here..my shoulder is strong enuf to carry ur head tt is full of school stuff..im jus here waitin 4 u...im srry i cant b dere d other dae..jus b strong..one dae im sure u culd overcome all dis shit..jus lyk i did..n yea i nid help wif my blog..tryin to change my skin..yea i gt d skin bt im tryin to seach 4 a song..bt unluckily iweb doesnt hav it..so any1 out dere if u hav any websites lyk iweb..pls tag on my tagboard...yea still tinkin bout u..jus srry baby..

2005-08-22T22:15:00.002-07:00

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?I'm not okayI'm not okayI'm not okayYou wear me outWhat will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?(I'm not okay)I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means(I'm not okay)To be a joke and look, another line without a hookI held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!I'm not okayI'm not okayI'm not okayYou wear me outForget about the dirty looksThe photographs your boyfriend tookYou said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayedI'm okayI'm okay!I'm okay, now(I'm okay, now)But you really need to listen to meBecause I'm telling you the truthI mean this, I'm okay!(Trust Me)I'm not okayI'm not okayWell, I'm not okayI'm not o-fucking-kayI'm not okayI'm not okay(Okay)

tts jus covers wad im tryin to sae to u...im not okae

2005-08-22T22:15:00.001-07:00

is dis wad i want??

2005-08-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

i duno wad im turnin into..im fuckin lost..i duno wad i wan or wad is inside me tts missing...im jus screwing up again..mayb one dae im gone tings will go back to normal..im so fucked up..i duno wad to do or hu to talk to..i noe deres so many ppl r dere 4 me..bt its hard 4 me to face u all...especially darlin n woonyah..u duno hw to sae...wad im goin thru..its jus one big fuckin shit!!

deathwish

2005-08-21T00:19:00.000-07:00

im fuckin sick rite nw...cant tink of anyting to make me better..wish i was dying rite nw..so ppl wun b bother to care bout me..jus wish im dead..better off dis wae..jus no mood to rite rite now..still not okae...

hurt..i tink...

2005-08-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

i cant xplain y...i kept feelin dis feelin..deres only one wae to cure but unfortunately...i dun hav d ting tt cures me...i nid so bad...i nid to hear it...im breakin apart..one if i cant take it...might as well i stand in d middle of d road n die of an accident..dis feelin kept taking over me..its nt a gd feelin..i duno whr it comes from or wad d porblem is...i jus felt lyk breakin down..or simply put it...die early..cus dis jus sux..cant find smeome to tok too...jus cant...only a song tt cures me...describe all my pain...

is dis reli wad i feel??

2005-08-10T07:02:00.000-07:00

yea...tt saes it all...is dis wad i feel??i duno...i felt reli empty inside...its so hard to xpress wad i feel nowadaes....i felt tt i cant tell anione bout my feelings...im soo..trapped!!pls...hlp...ii nid my old frens back...pls..im begging u all...pls..i wan us to b lyk last time...so happy being 2geder....pls...n cant wait 4 nxt tues....hehe...jus wait 4 tt dae to cme n see wad i do to u ah.....hope u lyk wad im gonna do to u...hehe...

mistreating u,my darlin..

2005-07-31T06:43:00.000-07:00

sorry...all dis while im mistreating u...even if u deny it...4 me it seems lyk i do...it seems lyk i abuse u indirectly...even tho u deny it...to me...i ve done so many wrong tings to you...n d weird ting is....i luv u alot...i reli do...bt its jus so hard to show it...i noe u noe hw i feel towards u...bt i jus feel so guilty...jus srry daqrlin..jus srry...

forget bout it guys....or gals..

2005-07-11T04:44:00.000-07:00

2dae was d worse dae...man...culdnt blive wad d teety bird teach...all she teach is wrong TOTALLY WRONG!!!man i tink imma better cook den her...after skool went to d library wif ham...quite fun ah cuz i can mimick belle...haha srry ah mei bt ur accent very d funny ah..haha..im soo pissed!..haha...n iz rubees or duno wad shit is ur name but wtf yall tinkin bout??!we were jus searchin 4 books!...oh yea..belle n iz...u two fight 4 jus one bloody mistake tt culd b avoided...secrets r jus meant to b secrets...orelse dey will called it sth else rite??u two r my frens...n i care bout d two of u...no need to fight over dis...it happens all d time..its part n parcel of lyf...jus gotta live wif it...eventho boys dun hav dis problem...cuz we dun gossips..lyk makciks...ahaha...nw im still dead cuz mdm lina is comin after me 4 3 ART PIECES!!!im totally dead...im havin` a test tmr..ncdcc...fire profeciency test or sth lyk tt..i duno n i dun care...i jus wan d badge tts all...n still cant blive i hav d potential....

wad?! i hav potential?!

2005-07-09T03:59:00.000-07:00

yesterdae..was a tough dae...make too many mistake during d reahearsal 4 d parade...n gt rid haf of my anger during cca time...xuan`s technique of releasing anger was doin` well...cant blive i had a potential...being d i/c of a squad isint gd...u had to take every responsibility of ur squad...ms ng told me i had a potential to be a leader in ncdcc...cant blive it...i tot it was smebdy else...if i had a potential y dey dun jus let me b a seargeant or sth...tt wuld be wae better...hehe...we stayed back till 7:45...nt d whole squad bt me n my frens...we had a fun time 2geder..haha...smell gd rite jing guo...u stupid go n smell itiari`s fart 4 wad?haha..even we r at mac eatin..we still fart in front of d public..haha...two gals siting nxt to us move awae..i guess dey smell it too..haha...feelin a bit better since yesterdae...bt my voice turn bad..cus i shouted at d top of my voice yesterdae...hai..guys if u dun wan mr.teo aka babu nxt door to tekan u all...dun slack...srry i shouted at u all...i gt to do cuz hes dere..hope u all understand.....to b truthfull..i felt empty...i duno y...duno hw get dis feelin`..oh yeah...i wrote a story ...its at my table in skool...its ok if u dun understand...bt if u do...i gotta sae...URE A GENIUS!!!cuz d concept of d story is complex...u dun understand...probably...hope u guys checked it out...i 4gt to write d title of d story its called...BlacK SouL

stupid

2005-07-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

im tired...cant go to slp...stupid cuz drink alot of water...hai..duno wad to do....i gt hw bt didnt do cuz i didnt noe wad we were suppose to do...nvm tho....my mood is gettin better 2dae...atleast...cant stp thinkin bout u tho...duno y...k guys gtg im already fallin` asleep...nite nite every1 n may d soul of our grandfathers watch upon us...

cant cheer up...fuckin losin my soul...

2005-07-06T05:35:00.000-07:00

feelin` veri down ...almost everydae...cant hlp it tho...nth can cheer me up...deep inside i feel lyk takin` a knife n stabbed myself...tt`s wad my soul bird is tokin to me ....even tho i dun bliv d bird shit...i wish i had sme kind of cancer...den i culd die wif an excuse...y i kept dese promises wen i cant...cuz im dumb enuf to 4low ppl i guess...i guess dese music reli toks bout me...hw i cared bout ppl bt didnt tink of wad wuld happen to me...rather hurt me...im comin` up wif a song called "ecstacy of love"..i suddenly realised tt takin drugs is d same wen ur in luv..so its ok 4 me to take it..i tink...n it hurts wen u realised sth bad is happenin to u..n in tt song...its all bout d hurt u get wen ur in luv...

sick...n confused...

2005-07-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

over dese past few daes...ive writtin` a few songs...cant bliv i culd do it...im sick...my body aches...n i hav difficulties in breathin`...damn i wish i culd drop dead...so ppl wuldnt care bout me much...y u all care bout me aniwae...yall jus care bout a stupid guy who`s lyf is now fucked up...im willin to kill myself jus to make smeone feel better...rite nw im feelin` worse...i cant control my feelin`s animre..hai...gotta tink wad has happen in my lyf tt cuz all dis...mayb i shuld jump off a buildin n b sent to d hospital...n c hu reli cares bout me....mayb i shuld....

hating ppl....hatin`!!!!

2005-07-04T00:43:00.000-07:00

i wish i culd kill myself...so all d bullshit i dun nid to face dem everydae...dis is reality..im gonna do sth tt is so stupid tt mayb ill b alive or fuckin` dead tmr..im tired of ppl saeing shits!!i wish i culd b smeone else ...sme one dead...i wuld beat myself to death nw...all dis freakin anger is comin` back n yall jus dun fuckin` realised it!!im thru wif my lyf...im gonna make myself so freakin bad tt dey nid me to b send to d hospital...u jus culdnt wait to c me dead rite...well UR WISH JUS CAME TRUE!!!!!!!!!!

hai...

2005-07-03T03:53:00.000-07:00

feel down dese few daes...feel bored at home wif nth to do....hai...wish i was smewhr else...alone wif noone watghin wad i do...noone to nag at me...jus to b free...hai....oh yeah..happy birthdae dear....wish u all d best in ur lyf...well im offto boredom again ....c yall ppl hav a gd holidae...

cant take d bullshit animore!

2005-06-27T01:03:00.000-07:00

TT`s it...no more bullshit...im back to myself again...d pain..d torture....all will come back to me once more...im sick of bullshits comin` frm yall mouth...u aint dere 4 me wen i was down...u aint even freakin by my side wen i was goddamn freakin hit by a car!!yea i gt hit TWICE!!yea..shock rite??bt it worth it..worth every single piece of my shitty lyf!!im sick of hiding d truth...FUCK YALL HU EVER HU DUN LYK ME!!

damn painful!

2005-06-24T07:59:00.000-07:00

wow!dun ever messed wif cuz hu has bigger body den u n dey hav a chance of surviving in d streets...coz if u do...u will get hurt...reli hurt!!aww man..i learnt it d hardest wae...by xperience it...bt its fun tho coz in d end ....d small man wins..hehe..dey almost break evry bones i hav in my bdy....bt its all worth it....get to see my cuzz again...play wif him lyk old times..oh yah i almost 4gt..i watch a home video wen i was small...i was a bad boi...a plump,plain-old bad boi...alwaes get beaten 4 no reasons...man wish dose daes wuld come alive again..oh yea..im still nt doin my hmewrk cuz i dun wan to break my record...5yrs....5yrs....

srry 4 wad ive done to u...

2005-06-19T03:08:00.000-07:00

im srry 4 awd ive done...makin u wrry all dis while...it reli isint workin` 4 me..no matter hw hard i tried to b happy,ill only get angrier..deep inside me..u noe i luv u..bt i cant stp myself...since d 2nd week of june ive been cryin to my self....tryin to hit d things tt r around me...cant stp tinkin bout u..d wae u tok to me d wae u smile at me...its all in my head...im srry d wae i treated u....ill make sure i wun break any of d promise we made....i promise...

nth....

2005-06-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

its been three daes since d accident happen...n it gt worser n worser...nvm still can walk....ok mayb its nt onli my leg tt gt hit...my arms gt stuck in side too....bt it doesnt feel anithing...

wah damn lucky!

2005-06-16T06:39:00.000-07:00

damn sia!!luckily nvr die!damn bastard go n hit me at my leg..almost gt knocked down by a car wen goin hme frm`s xuan`s hse...hah!onli d leg kena..n thnz 4 d present wen its ur b-dae..nt me..nw i noe wad u did 4 me...n its nt ugly ..its nice..nw mus figure out whr to put it...srry cant stay longer at ur chalet..n if u read dis post dun woory bout me onli kena d leg...two mths oreadi we`ve been 2geder...i hope wad u rite in d letter u reli meant it in ur heart..hai luckily onli d leg..if d head ah everyone run oreadi...nw nth to do oreadi....n my leg hurts lyk hell bt noone noes..gd sia..actin lyk nth happen...wah...kk gtg ppl c yall in d next post!!

ok ill change...

2005-06-12T07:49:00.000-07:00

wah damn tired after d bbq pit...slp 4 15 hrs den wake up...yesterdaegt alot of tings to tink bout...finally seeing my fav cuz being happy makes me feel gd..nice to c him smile again..its was so peaceful n quiet at d beach tt i almost slp at d shore! well yesterdae weplay sme fun games...well actually my team cheats n we alwaes win..hehe...too bad tho..d referee kayu one...ya n bout d changing ting...ill change if it makes every1 happy...kk gtg oreadi peace uot ppl

alrite...ppl wan to change ill change..bt i nid sme time to think bout it...

2005-06-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

alrite den..u`all wan me to change rite??k ill change..every FREAKIN~ sec i kept tinkin all b strong..so i wun b tt crazy-p6 zaf animore....bt yall wan me to change..gd..damn gd...so many fuckin tings r happenin`...shit!i dun EVEN hav D time to tink!!..i juz wanna b me tts all ....i juz wanna b alone...all alone.....4 all dis while nobody hav been dere 4 me..yea rite yall said u WERE gonna b DERe u yall dun..yall dun understand wad i wan..yall dun EVEn understand me....i feel so pain....pain...nobody can feel it..ppl sae dey can bt dey juz DUN!!understand guys??!!yall dun even give a SHIT!! bout me!! my heart has been torn so many times bt u juz dun see it..my heart is in pain...i wanna release d anger inside me..too much is inside me...eating me alive.....alrite..next post ill tell yall weder im changing or nt...till den...c yall in darkness..

lyf sux!

2005-06-09T21:06:00.000-07:00

lyf sux......tts wad most teens wuld sae...rite??yea cant get a lil peace in my hse,every1`s shoutin eventho dey r near each other!Tts it..ill go to xuan`s hse n take his knife n stab my self on sundae....i dun wan my lyf animore..it sux.....any1 wan it..cme get it...take it awae frm me ...dun wan any1 to suffer cuz of me again...cant hide dis pain no more..cant keep showing dis happy face no more...cant pretend im okay animore.....its time 4 me to go....

feeling lyk a shit!

2005-06-07T06:35:00.000-07:00

srry yo ppl...juz been down 4 a few daes....i duno wad had happen to my lyf....i tot it was all gd....but it took a plunge..damn it...srry my dear i cant hlp it..wen i walk wif xuan,all my anger sudd came out n i punch a metal thing(dunno wad d hell it is but it has sth to do wif d building)srry if i make u upset or making u down..im reli wastin ur time being ur boi...cant bliv it...im messing up my lyf n others....juz cant bliv it!..im gd at telling ppl bt i cant do it myself!wad am i??a wannabe guy hu is tryin to hlp ppl bt he himself gt caught up??i dunno bt i juz cant b......alive....animore....srry im juz watin every1`s time...juz cant take it..luckily xuan tp me frm stabbing myself....srry yall 4 wastin ur time...

damn bored nth to do....

2005-06-01T01:21:00.000-07:00

nth to do.....keep repeatin it 4 d last 3 weeks....fuck lah nth to do ......hai kk i rap 4 u all.....

I feel the heatFrom these 4 candles burningAs I'm staring out the windowIn solitude I look at lifeFrom different anglesThoughts strangledMy mind is suffocatin'In this truth questA greed lawThat we abide by is ruthlessEnough will never satisfyUntil we toothlessFilthy millionairesAre gamblin' until they muflisA sad fact of lifeBut mankind approved thisI gotta call HimSajadah is where the booth isI'll make it clear thatI ain't even tryin' to preach yaBy sharing thoughts I hopeTo find a little peace hereI thank Allah for blessing meTo be creativeSo here's a diss for meFor bein' unappreciativeWanted a perfect lifeYeah smile then die oldFame, money, womenPhat cribos and white goldDrive my own BeemerBefore I hit two sixA straight pink bitin' toothpicksWho walk around town wit' two chicksAnd doin' new hits to woo tricks....Now that's wrongPleasure from partyin'And bullshit don't last longA lotta yuppies sneakin'Cars out when dad's goneCrackin' bottles in clubsFrontin' designer fashionBut I ain't aboutTo trade happiness for a JagSo stop smilin' with your ragtop downCause for a factI don't care about your moneyOr how slick your car'Cause no matter how rich and big you areI know that all thisAin't the right thingPartying, chasing moneysAnd material thingsFlying highThink nobody gonnaClip my wingsI'm lying to myselfKnowing thatI've been neglectingResponsibilitiesAs a healthy MuslimRiches and lootAin't nothingWe frontin'Diamonds and scrillaBut forget to sayAlhamdulillahMade my album a killerPlan BNow 2-3 droppin'And I wish toAsk for forgivenessYour guidanceProtection and strengthFor humbleness and faithTo make me a better manSuccess in foreign landsNever dreamt of thatI remember being 18When we started Too PhatNow let's go backThree years before thatSometimes I forgetMe and my parentsTook a trip with granddadI remember '95While performing UmrahMade my wish in MeccaRight in front the KaabahDear GodYou made it possibleWhen facing obstaclesPlease let me do goodBefore I pass onIn the hospitalAnd keep recitingThe Testimony of FaithAnd find the right wayOut of this life's mazeTwo candles go outThat's whenI feel the wind blowI haven't met FatimFor two yearsBeen livin' like I'm singleEvaluatin' all the friendshipsRelationshipThe reason it's the tenth yearIs 'cause she's a patient chickAnd as far as friends are concernedMany I've had it allFrom those who cried for my painTo those who plotted my fallI learned to differentiateFakes from the greatMates from the snakesApes wanna beefHate's all it takesFor me to blowA diss song for youNot even worthyAs an album fillerSo now it's smilesAnd AlhamdulillahYeah, love meOr hate meThis who I amLook at the past at timesI wish that I was born againSo I can rectify mistakesAnd my wrong doingsAttempts on minimizing my sinsBefore my story endsI ain't no Eddie MurphyTryin' to sound as a holy manBut if I tried to be a better personNow I prolly can(Wait...)Who am I to advise youI ain't been the bestOf God's slavesJust a poet writin'What my thought saysA little houseA little carA little sweet girlThank you LordI'll try to slow it downOn the cheap thrillsThis song will prolly stirA little controversyAt least I ain't be rappin'Bout the stuffAs tho' I'm born in JerseyStage name is MaliqueAnd lost name is CairelMama told meStop complaining too much,So I will...

so hw??gd or nt???haha jk onli lah dis is frm my fav song n group....TO0 PHaT

WAH!! my grand ma can FUCKIN` LIE TO ME SIA!!

2005-06-01T01:16:00.000-07:00

wah! i cant blive it!!my own grandma lying??!!!man fucked her to hell!wad d fucked she wan frm me huh??she keep lying to my father she gt no money after all she went to spend her money on other things..tts y my mother dun trust her ALOT!!man i even found out she badmouthed me bhind my back!!wad a GRANDMA!!hope u die soon enuf...

no i cant juz let u cry..

2005-05-28T00:34:00.000-07:00

no wae i juz let u cry.i will feel bad.u even sae if i pain=u pain.tt oso works d other wae round.i dun wan u to cry cuz of me.its juz stupid...even if my head is swollen frm al d punches ,juz dun care.its my head.i cant let u suffer animore..its juz nt worth it..im nt worth....anything..

y izzit my life lyk dis?!

2005-05-26T23:47:00.000-07:00

y my life kept falling apart?izzit tt god fuckin` hates me or d whole world hates me??i noe im a dds addict but others do it too. y cant ppl juz give me another chance??y?y?cuz im juz damn fuck-up rite??i do dis tings juz as i culd escape frm my own life...nobody noes wad im going thru...noone can stand my pain of being stab over n over again..its...juz....painful....u ppl kept tinkin` tt ppl hu smokes n do all dis tings r bad guys...but ur juz wrong..u ppl juz duno wad dey r going thru....n it feels pain wen ppl lyk us noe tt our own ppl rejected us...its juz...juz...unbearable.....

fading awae.....

2005-05-21T01:55:00.000-07:00

i cant 4get bout u i cant punch u...tt will oni result my heart getting heavier...
i dun wan u to cry ..its nt worth it.u waste ur tears juz 4 a stupid boi.i dun wan u to suffer...u suffered nuf .nw its time 4 me to suffer...again.i cant help punching myself.its d least tt i can help to prevent my self frm getting hook on my habits again..i luv u tts y im doing dis...

my hearts feels so heavy.......

2005-05-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

i dunno y i feel lyk tt.dis week has been a tough week 4 me.d results of my exam.dmy mood swings tt i hav been xperiencing.wenever i see u my heart feel more heavier..i cant help it.d next post i wll keep u all update...gtg smewhere.....

im dying awae.slowing fading to d darkness......

2005-05-17T02:40:00.000-07:00

im losin wad i hav......i cant control it.....my mind is a drift...i duno w long i can live.im dying....i wan my life to end....nw.im fading....soon im no more..bye....every1...to u too..my love.....

Im a bloody idiot.its d fact!

2005-05-14T07:52:00.000-07:00

well,lyk most ppl sae every1`s not perfect but dey gt brains to tink....xcept me.u noe hu u r.i dun care weder u wun xcept it or wad but its d truth.im not nice,sweetn caring,im jus a bad muderfuckin boi hu is juz fucked-up.i do things which r soo damn stupid!let me tell u d real me.im rough,uncaring,dun even give a FUCK! bout ppl around me,i make mistakes which cant b even 4given. only a kind-hearted being lyk u will 4give me.i let it plain n simple,im juz a idiot hu`s cant b 4given at all times.N my habit of s!@(^&# aint gonna change.it gonna stuck wif me..i tried but these things kept appearing in my mind.im juz .......screwed-up.n my bro,xuanda n ryu,plz stop ur arguments bout jesse.i told u shes not perfect.4get bout her.i reli hope u guys will 4give each other...tts my wish b4 i die..i dun my 2 best frens to b fighting....plz 4give each other....plz......

WOOO!!! EXAM!!

2005-04-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

hai im going nuts!!!Deres so many things to remember n my head is gonna explode!!my life is now in a messed.i duno y but its driving me n people around me nuts.i m going out later,to my uncle`s house.cant wait to see his cat.soo cuteee!!im changing my attitude rite now. last time my behaviour is going downhill n i get alot of mood swings....i lyk to thnk my familia,1e6,n my big god-sis,wy,4 having my back wen im in trouble....n 1e6,i dun scold aidah "WTF??!!".i write tt word cuz i dun understand....get it nw ppl?? aight im out ppl see ya wen i see ya.PEACE OUT!!!

smoth sailing ahead...........

2005-04-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

WASSUP PPL!! hehe,im good.do u guys eva had a second love?man i duno bout u guys but me?i duno.i barely pass my common test.i got a b4 overall.i even failed my history!!.but nvm i`ll eventually buck up n b able to get in d 5th position.hope u guys lyk ur new frens n be happy alwaes!n gal ....i confess i lyk you.u noe hu u r.

i tink im in loved again!!!(SHOCKED!!!)

2005-03-17T05:29:00.000-08:00

yea,one luv after d other,yea.it sux doesnt it?but sadly u cant help it.i tink im falling a gerl 4 yrs older than me!!!i cant stop tinkin bout her.hai wod can i sae,im juz a kid!!!!

sec life rocks!!!!

2005-02-25T04:30:00.000-08:00

i`ve made many frens.the last post i tok abt my prob wif my gal, well we eventually broke up couple of weeeks ago n somehow i feel kinda happie n glad oso at the same time, sad.life continues as usual.i feel kinda tired joinin` NCDCC(National Civil Cefence Cadet Corps in simple terms =firefighters)my new class is good not as bad as my pri 6`s class.i hav a pretty form teacher hu teaches me literature n CME.Kinda miss d old daes in pri school.it seems as time pass realy fast.i wuld lyke to thnk ppla hu give their comments in the last posts.hope u guys had a good year ahead n stay out of troubles. peace OUT!!!

damn it hurts!!

2005-01-26T23:33:00.000-08:00

man i culdnt believe wad i juz heard. my girlfren is playing flirting behind my back!! Damn man it hurts wen u know someone u think n luv every fuckin` minute is playing behind your back! And my fren ,u told me that cuz u r my good fren. U did the rite thing by telling me. think for a sec,if she wen steady wif another guy n u know bout it n nvr tell me, wuldnt u feel more guilty??i dunno wad to do now. ppl hu visit my site plz leave your comment on this i need ur help!!

skool is comin ahhh!!!

2004-12-26T01:11:00.000-08:00

damn!! i hate skool and worse of all im alone.shit man!wah lau . i got wad oriential camp or wad during 2nd day of skool .wish i culd juz stay at home.hai miss tha days i spend wif my old buddies. time flies really fast!
gonna miss everything that happen during my pri skool times.well i got to make some friends and hope i become a whole new person.got to go adios amigos ...or ladies.

wahlau so boring!

2004-12-06T04:48:00.000-08:00

man,tha holidae its getting boring day by day.my family is planning to make some kind of like a gathering.im missing my great frens. wishing to all my frens and my gurl that they go to their dream skool.bout tha gathering my family is pestering me to bring my girlfren along. [sigh]i dunno whether she will go. yup for my frens hu visiting my website if u wanna go juz e mail dun be shy my family is one bunch of jokers!haha!.wish you all a good holidays ahead of you.peace out!!!

a slut or wat?!

2004-11-05T05:26:00.000-08:00

my friend has a deep crush on this girl.she`s cute but something about her isn`t rite.a few months past and my prediction came true,she just throw my friend a side like some rubbish and fallen for another guy.this guy called her and told her not to wear a bra the next day.andguessed wat,she did wat the boy told her to do. im so upset about this incident.i dunno wat to say about her .now she wants my frined back sayin that she missed him and loved him.love? my fuckin` ass she love him!all i wanted to know is why does she do this stuff to him?Is she a slut or wat?!

deep shit!

2004-11-04T09:44:00.000-08:00

things get worse now .i dun know wat to do .are girls very competitive when they fight over a boy?why is that so?well one things for sure ,i`m not gonna be bother by that situation anymore .peace out y`all

this website is dedicated to puertorico.

2004-11-04T05:06:00.000-08:00

modified cars

2004-11-04T04:43:00.000-08:00

cool cars

trouble!

2004-11-04T03:45:00.000-08:00

i`m now messed up by one huge problem. my friend likes me. but i only treat her as a friend.then my friend told me that her best friend also like me.i have a girlfriend and i really love her. what makes me hate this kind of girl is that she uses my frind just to get to me and this angry.Hai, i don`t know wat to say, if you have a solution to this problem, plz e-mail me to invincible_Ghost70@hotmail.com, ok?

hey!

2004-11-03T20:20:00.000-08:00

hey wassup everyone!. hope when you all leave PRPS,u still remember me. my name is zafran,from singapore,pasir ris ,go to PRPS. i always play this game it`s called streetchallenge.if ur a car enthusias and would like to join the game, u can e-mail me to invincible_Ghost70@hotmail.com.this blog is dedicated to xuan da and puertorico(not his real name).he(puertorico)lives in italy if u to get to know him jus e mial me ok?